Today was rough

My personal stumbling block

Yesterday was worse though. I sent word to three different sets of police as well as to wells fargo of word where the love of my life is-or at least the directions needed to find him…

He owes me about 85K-he does not like it when this is said aloud, he denies me at every turn, he makes promises upon promises to pay me back and has even given me the date he planned on coming home to me when his life falls apart. yesterday, I found out that not only is he now “engaged” he’s engaged to a woman who has 2 young children and goes by an alias that makes her sound like one of the… um… ‘performers’ in his new pornography company. His website shows him with a stack of $100 bills spread in his hand (yes they are his hands-I know them well) and I gave him warning to call me prior to 3:00 yesterday or I would be sending out the information i had gathered. He did not. He has not taken my calls in about 2 months, nor has he “called me right back” as he promised to do. His Grandpa has had heart trouble due to what Joe did to him (another ‘oh i promise to pay for the car if you get it in your name’) cut and run, and my heart has reached its lowest.

He has become someone that I do not want to know–the worst sort of user–now he makes pornographic films. These are the tangle that women and men get into in order to get out of debt, feed their drug habits, and die from diseases that they pass to one another. His new ‘fiance” will learn the hard way that that Joseph (or Jay Baxter who works as Jay Somebody–a stupid name if ever I heard one–will only break her heart, her childrens’ hearts and strip her of dignity and every last dime she has…as he does with every woman he meets.

Today I am furthering my resolve to wipe the dust of his insolvency and madness from my feet, to harden my heart, and to try to fall out of love with him.

My body will miss you. My arms will miss you. the conversations we have will be missed. But I have resolved that you will not give me HIV, or whatever your, um, actresses and fiance’ may have given you or will give you. You will all learn to your dismay that he is a sociopath. that he does not care for you, and that every emotion he shows to you is an invention of his mind. There is no psychological real emotion – no actual feelings and absolutely no conscience in this man.

I will always love you, my Joseph. and I am praying that God gives me the strength to say goodbye and turn my back on you as I pursue the money you owe me. the lawsuit against you shall soon be served, and I pray that my heart does not lead me back into the temptations you represent and embody.

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