Emotions–the Worst Things on Earth

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My baby boy died yesterday. Overnight, he developed what the emergency vet called the worst case of sudden onset diabetes he had ever seen, and while we slept, my Milo began to dehydrate to the point he started to bleed out. I was awakened to Dad telling me that he thought Milo had died, but my boy was still breathing. We went to wait outside his vet’s office, but when it did not open called the other office to find he was out of town until Monday.

Eventually we made it to the Animal Hospital where he got an i.v., 2 bolluses of fluids, medications and he made no headway. Being an animal e.r., this place nickles and dimes as well as over charges, and i was told that it would charge between $2400 & $3500 to even give him a chance at hope.

So, for approximately $550, i got to hold my baby boy in a fluffy blanket and try to say goodbye. I held him as they gave him the series of shots that would end his life, and felt his sudden heaviness as he died and i held him until his soft velvet ears were ice cold. Until his paws were cool to the touch and his eyes began to open again. I kissed him again and whispered my goodbye to my beloved friend. I ordered a group cremation which will include me getting a clay fired pawprint with his name.

Today at my door, someone stopped by who i thought was the one person who would never hurt me. I was wrong. I was humiliated, made to feel so small and uncared for. I had no clue he could do that to me. I live, I learn. Everyone will hurt you eventually. I worked thru the cutting urges (thanks B), smoked the shit out of a pack of camel crushes and am working on getting pile-driven with my speciality–the Mama Collins. The futility of it does not pass me by.

mom

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